Stop Cutting the Cocoon

October 15, 2026 • 5 min read

A man is out for a walk in the woods, spots a butterfly fighting its way out of a cocoon. It's struggling. Head's out, the rest isn't. So he does the nice thing. Because he’s a good human! Saves nature! He cuts the cocoon open and lets the butterfly go. He saves it!!

Out it comes.

Except the wings never developed. The struggle he removed was the thing making it strong.

If this sounds familiar, we might be onto something. Often times we do the same to our team.

We solve the problem. We make the decision. We do the thing for them and call it support. It feels good. This does the exact opposite of built. It takes away confidence.

Confidence is built. It's not gifted.

Let me explain.

The Helpful Decision

They bring a problem. You make the call. It works, because you've done it before. You're the leader. They value your advice. Making that call? Feels good doesn’t it.

Here's what they learn. Bringing it to you is WAY easier than working through it. Why figure it out when I can just ask you? How simple is that? Thanks for that.

You're teaching the dog a bad habit. Come back to me. Over and over. You know where the treats are.

Your Help Is Their Process

Now they're not leaning on their decisions. Not working through anything. If you're going to make the decision eventually anyway, why not skip the middle and go straight to you?

You'll make the call. You'll take the heat. You'll own the mistake.

They stop making recommendations. They just bring you problems.

Ever said, "I wish my team would bring me solutions, not problems"? Oooooo. Might want to look in the mirror. I've been there. Didn't see it either.

Dependence Isn't Support

When they depend on you, it feels like being needed. Kind of like our kids. They still need me.

My little one puts on his own shoes now. Hat, gloves, coat, snowpants. ALL of it. My daughter makes her own lunch, helps with dinner, cleans her room. I used to do all that for them. Man, I am here to help them. A little part of me misses it.

I LOVE that my daughter does the dishes. That's time back for me.

Time to review more work and make the bigger decisions. That's the point.

If you keep doing it for your team? Look three, four, six months out. You're overwhelmed. You're wondering why nobody takes ownership. I can't tell you how many leaders I talk to who say this is the thing they struggle with most.

"They just need to figure it out. I did." Nope. If we don't help them figure it out, they won't. Your team has learned to wait for you. You trained them to. You're their default button. You are training them to depend on you. Can’t have it both ways.

Don't like hearing that? Suck it up. You know it's true.

Ask the Question

Find out if they really need your help or if they've just learned not to bother. Ask, "What would you do if I wasn't available?"

Got a solid answer?

Look at your own behavior. Have you been changing their decisions? Overruling them? Requiring approval? Let me say that again. Have you been changing their decisions? They used to have their own way of doing things. You do it differently. Now they just come to you.

If it's going to get overruled anyway, why would they bother?

Hand It Back

Stick with me. The next decision thing that lands on your desk, hand it back. Not literally. Just turn it around. "What would you have done? How would you handle this?"

Then let them tell you. Listen to what they say and how they say it. Their words, their thinking, their reasons. That's where you help. Coach the decision. Don't make it.

Do that and you're building a team that raises things up, gives you time back and develops. A team of doers instead of a team of askers.

Let them struggle a little. That's how the wings get strong.

You've got this.

Ready to build a team that solves its own problems?

Book your call: DNAcall.com

Learn more about Your Limitless: yourlimitlesscoach.com

Book of the week*: Wooden: A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court
"I am just a common man who is true to his beliefs."--John Wooden
https://link.amazon/B0eZPLgk6

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